It's Always Something

Being a homeowner can really suck. Sure, being homeless would suck much more, but it's always something when you are a homeowner. Today, it's the motor on the water pump for the pool. Which is currently being replaced. For which I am going to have to write a check for $1350.00.

It's raining, FINALLY, in CA. So, after my workout, while I was drinking my coffee and relaxing, I heard a very loud noise. It was either the printer in the office doing its weird adjustment thing where it randomly turns on, cranks out a noise and goes off again, or it was pounding rain. I looked in the office first because it did sound like it was coming from that end of the house more so than on the roof from rain. Okay, not the printer, but hmmm, that noise is louder in the far corner of the office, near the window. Pull up the blind and OH MY GOD water is gushing -- GUSHING -- out of something in the pool pump area. GUSHING. Like a crazy woman, I dial my husband's cell phone scrambling to find my sneakers. I put on my sneakers while practically yelling into his voicemail, "Call me emergency pool pump." (Just like that, no commas, no pausing, no sense!). Then I dial his office number (which of course I have to look up because I never call him on that) and get the damn voicemail again. Same crazy-lady message. Then I text "Call me emergency." Thankfully he called right away as I was opening the back slider to try to figure out what to do. He calmly talked me through turning off some switches. Phew. Thank God that worked.

Not only was it raining, I was standing in water that was just about covering the tops of my sneakers and in order to turn the power off, I had to stand in front of where the water was coming out of the motor and basically got about as wet as I would have had I just jumped in the pool.

Because CA has been in a 100+ day drought, we are supposed to be rationing our water -- don't water your lawn so much, don't do too many loads of laundry. Thankfully they haven't asked us not to flush. Anyway, should the water company be keeping track in a future effort to fine offenders, well, oh boy, we are gonna be on their list after today! I can't even imagine how many gallons of water spewed out of our backyard today. And I kept thinking, what if I hadn't been home?? Wow, that would have been AWFUL. I guess it could have potentially flooded the house. Yikes.

(I'm thinking there's something to use here when I get attitude from the "What do you do all day?" haters that can't handle the fact that I don't work. I take care of things, bitches)

Well, the pool guy is here now, replacing the motor/pump whatever-it-is. I'm certainly glad he could take care of it right away and that the rain stopped so he could do it today. I'm just not looking forward to writing out that check. Bye bye tax return money that was going to go toward a vacation.

Dare I say that this "American Dream" of being a home owner is really a nightmare?

Sigh. It's always something….

The Birds and the Bees

The birds and the bees. Hmmph. I'm not talking about the fun kind. I'm talking pigeons and yellow jackets. They are making us crazy!

I just spent 5 minutes out back shooting wasp spray into a nook in our roof (the hell with these decorative crevices, they just invite creatures to come in and take over!). I'm on the attack. I killed two wasps in the kitchen and another is lurking up high (damn these 25-foot ceilings). Then I kept hearing little tap tap taps on the sliders. I went out, grabbed the wasp spray and took aim. Unfortunately, the spray distance and I are both too short so I shot a lot of air. So, I grabbed a patio chair (not the most sturdy to stand on, for the record) and took aim again. I got a few and a few flew away but I also made a mess of the house and the patio. Oh, and it's always windy here so I got a good dousing too. I moved over to the other side of this stupid eave and took aim again. Um, should have used the chair again because I'm still too short. Hello,wasp-killer scented Aqua Net! Okay, so I stood on the chair on this side. Blast! And, now it's on my arms, my hair, my face, and in my eyes. Good times.

Damn wasps - they are making me insane. I can only imagine what the neighbors who can see into our back yard are thinking if they are looking out. "Oh, look at crazy white lady. She spray and duck, spray and duck. Why she keep getting spray in face?" (Um, yeah, they're Asian - and yes, I already know I'm going to Hell.)

The pigeons are equally annoying. Well, actually they're worse - their incessant cooing is maddening and they poop everywhere. They love our roof. And those stupid decorative crevices. I toss rocks at them when I see them on the roof. But their arch enemy really is Jim. He goes for the big guns. He gets the hose! He's been known to sneak out at dusk and blast the suckers right out of their nests. Then he fist pumps like he has taken down the Taliban. This is what they do to us. They make us crazy. They make us warriors. Defenders of our homeland.

Be warned, wasps and pigeons: we are armed and dangerous, and a little loony. It's on! Yessiree. It. Is. On.